It is a familiar scene: a video circulates online showing a child bullying another. Immediately, a wave of anger, frustration, and a resounding cry for "punishment" erupts across social media. This anger is a completely natural human response, understanding its roots and learning to manage it can help us respond more constructively, not just for the victims, but for the young bullies themselves.
So, why do we, as a community, feel such intense anger when we see a bully, regardless of age, seemingly escape harsh punishment?
The Deep Roots of Our Outrage: A Psychological and Sociological Look
Our desire for a bully to be "punished" is not merely about revenge; it is a complex cocktail of psychological and social factors:
Our Innate Sense of Fairness. From a young age, humans possess an inherent sense of justice. When we witness someone, especially a child, being unfairly treated or harmed, it triggers a powerful feeling of injustice. Our brains are wired to want to see balance restored, and often, punishment feels like the most direct way to achieve that. This deep-seated belief is known as retributive justice—the idea that a wrongdoer should suffer in proportion to the harm they have caused. For many, a bully's pain feels like a necessary step to "pay back" for the victim's suffering.
Empathy and a Threat to Our Protective Instincts. We naturally put ourselves in the shoes of the bullied child. The fear, humiliation, and pain they experience can resonate deeply within us, activating our own protective instincts. This empathy makes us want to shield the vulnerable and strike back at those causing harm. This reaction is particularly strong when the victim is a child, as our society places a high value on protecting the innocence of youth. When that innocence is shattered, it triggers a primal desire to protect, and that protection often takes the form of aggression towards the perceived threat.
A Threat to Our Social Order. In a society like Singapore, where safety and harmony are highly valued, acts of bullying can feel like a direct threat to our collective well-being. It shakes our sense of security and raises fears about what kind of society our children are growing up in. Punishment, in this context, feels like a necessary step to reaffirm boundaries and reinforce social norms. The public expects a high degree of order, and a viral bullying incident shatters the illusion of schools as completely safe havens, leading to a demand for immediate, visible action to restore that sense of security.
Social Media Amplification and the "Justice Gap". The anger is often magnified by the nature of social media itself. A single video can be shared thousands of times, creating a "court of public opinion" that demands swift and often severe judgment. This puts immense pressure on stakeholders to respond. A significant source of frustration is the perceived "justice gap"—the belief that the punishment doesn't fit the crime, or that justice isn't being served. When systems, for privacy reasons, cannot fully disclose the disciplinary actions taken, it can leave the public feeling frustrated and distrustful, leading to the assumption that "nothing was done." This lack of transparency fuels a cycle of outrage.
The Desire for Control and Closure. When we witness an injustice, we feel a loss of control. Demanding punishment is a way for us to regain some sense of agency and believe that action is being taken to prevent future harm. For victims and their families, seeing the bully face consequences can offer a crucial sense of closure, validating their experience and acknowledging their pain. This is often the most pressing need for those directly affected—the need to know that their suffering has been seen and that the wrongdoer is being held accountable.
Managing Our Anger: A Path Towards Constructive Responses
While anger is a valid emotion, allowing it to dictate our response can sometimes hinder effective solutions. Here’s how we can channel our frustration more constructively:
Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings. It is okay to feel angry and frustrated. There is no need to suppress these emotions. Acknowledge them, perhaps by discussing them with a trusted friend or family member, or even journaling your thoughts. Understanding why you feel this way is the first step.
Seek Reliable Information (and Practice Patience). In the age of social media, narratives can be incomplete or one-sided. Instead of reacting immediately to viral content, try to remember that there is always more to the story. Trust that authorities in Singapore are bound by policies and protocols designed to address such situations, even if their actions are not immediately public. Patience allows for a thorough investigation and thoughtful intervention.
Give Space for Rehabilitation. This is perhaps the hardest, yet most crucial, step. While their actions are harmful and unacceptable, the young bully is still a developing child. They are often struggling with their own issues—perhaps a lack of empathy, poor social skills, underlying insecurities, or even difficult home environments. Punishment alone, without an accompanying focus on understanding and correcting the root causes of their behavior, often leads to a cycle of repeated aggression.
Restorative practices are vital. These approaches aim not just to punish, but to help the bully understand the impact of their actions on the victim, make amends, and learn new, positive behaviours. This could involve guided apologies, counselling, and skill-building programs. These methods, though less visible to the public, are often more effective in preventing future bullying.
Advocate for Systemic Change, Not Just Retribution. Instead of solely demanding harsher punishment for individual cases, consider advocating for more comprehensive solutions. This could include:
Better anti-bullying education for all students.
Increased resources for school counselors to support both victims and bullies.
Improved communication channels between schools and parents to foster trust and transparency (while respecting privacy).
Parenting workshops that equip parents with tools to foster empathy and address challenging behaviors in their children.
Focus on Supporting the Victim. Channel your energy into ensuring the victim receives the support and healing they need. This includes providing constructive feedback or suggestions to stakeholders on how to provide a safe space for the victim. Ultimately, the well-being of the victim should be our paramount concern.
Our anger at bullying is a testament to our compassion and our desire for a just society. However, by understanding this anger and consciously choosing a more measured, empathetic, and forward-looking response, we can contribute to a system that not only holds young bullies accountable but also guides them towards becoming kinder, more responsible individuals, fostering a safer environment for all in Singapore.