In our productivity-driven and fast-paced work environment, there is already enough on our plates, whether we are employees or employers. Work stress can sometimes be destabilising, especially when expectations are high, deadlines are near, and lined up back-to-back. More often than not, a significant portion of our stress can arise from managing relationships with our coworkers. Sometimes, we cope and get by. Sometimes, we struggle and wish we were dealt a better hand.
Inevitably, working life involves conversations that feel challenging, whether they concern performance feedback, conflicting ideas, or misunderstandings with colleagues. For some, avoiding these conversations may feel easier. However, avoidance often leads to increased stress, resentment, and reduced productivity. Unaddressed conflict at work directly undermines psychological safety—the feeling that one can be oneself and take risks without fear of negative consequences—which is foundational to well-being and team performance. Additionally, it can be detrimental to our mental health if these toxic relationships persist and the unbalanced power dynamics continue to take their course.
What if all we need is to stop putting up with the situation and start conversations to make our lives a little better? The ability to handle these dialogues effectively is not an innate talent; it is a skill set rooted in psychological awareness and practical communication techniques.
How to have difficult conversations
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and regulate one’s own emotions while empathising with and responding effectively to others. People with high emotional intelligence are better able to manage conflict, deliver feedback constructively, and foster inclusive environments. Teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders tend to experience higher trust, stronger collaboration, and more psychological safety—factors strongly linked to performance and innovation.
Harnessing the emotional intelligence which you already have, let us look at some tips you may use to maximise the outcomes of the conversation.
Calm yourself before responding. Understandably, difficult topics can trigger your body’s fight-or-flight response, making it hard to think clearly. Notice the sensations in your body – are you perhaps clenching your fist or feeling tension in your shoulder? As much as possible, take steps to calm your nervous system before attempting the conversation. Take deep breaths, ground yourself, and do whatever regulates your nervous system. Responding in anger may escalate the situation and reflect poorly on your professionalism.
Have a one-to-one conversation. Avoid calling out the co-worker in a common area that is in full view and/or within earshot of other colleagues. It can potentially embarrass the co-worker and, in turn, increase their defensiveness. You may want to consider a private space, such as a meeting room, or pick a time when the office is empty. An in-person conversation typically gets your message across better as compared to text or a voice call, as it conveys with facial expression, body language and tone of voice.
Be direct but respectful
There are a few ways to do this:
Focus on the behaviour, not the person. For example, instead of saying “You are careless”, you may say “The report had several errors.”
Be clear and specific. Be clear and specific and avoid vague hints or passive-aggressive comments. For example, instead of saying “If you continue to take long lunches we are going to be here till midnight”, try “I need the data by 3pm so I can finish my part of the project.”
Use calm and neutral language. Avoid using exaggerations such as “never” and “always”. For example, instead of saying “You always speak over me”, try “I noticed you spoke over me in the meeting. Please let me finish next time”.
Use “I” statements. Using “1” statements is one of the best ways to be assertive while keeping respect intact. It shifts the message from blame to your own experience, which can make the other person less defensive. For example, for interruptions, you may say, “I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted because it makes it hard to explain my ideas. I’d appreciate being able to finish before others respond.” For disrespectful tone, you may say, “I feel uncomfortable when I’m spoken to in a sharp tone because it affects our teamwork. I’d appreciate it if we could keep our communication respectful.” This frames it as your perspective and does not come across as an attack.
Acknowledge their perspective. Respect does not mean avoiding the issue—it means showing you understand. For example, you may say, “I know you’ve had a heavy workload, but I need your updates to move forward.”
4. Offer solutions. Offering solutions shows that you are not just pointing out a problem but you are also invested in making things work. For example, if the problem arises from the co-worker’s efficiency, you may like to offer, “Could we agree on clearer timelines so we stay on track?”.
5. Know when to escalate. If the behaviour continues or crosses professional boundaries (e.g. harassment, aggression, hostility), you may consider bringing it up to the manager or the Human Resource department.
Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of professional life but they do not have to damage relationships. Approaching them with clarity, respect, and empathy allows issues to be addressed without escalating tension. By using tools such as focusing on the behaviour, using “I statements” and acknowledging perspectives, you may turn challenging moments into opportunities for better understanding, work dynamics and growth.
If you are facing difficulties with your relationships at work, reach out. You are not alone.