Co-author: Tan Ing Keet Faythe
Grief is an emotional response to the loss of something or someone you care about, be it now or something that you used to do. The process of grieving is vital in overcoming the emotional suffering caused by the loss. Apart from the people around you, it is possible to mourn and grieve over strangers or celebrities you have never met. When tragedy strikes, strangers often unite to mourn and comfort each other, possibly because they identify with a family’s loss or that the process makes them feel more connected to the community. Other situations which can cause grief include a divorce or breakup, losing a job, a miscarriage, and death of a pet.
With COVID-19 restrictions easing in most countries, partygoers can enjoy the end-of-year festivities without social distancing or mask-wearing for the first time since the pandemic. Over the Halloween weekend, approximately 100,000 people attended the first no-mask Halloween party since 2019 in Itaewon, Seoul, South Korea. A narrow and sloped alleyway became extremely packed as the night deepened, resulting in a crowd crush as people pushed downward. At least 156 people were killed, and 157 others injured. As the tragedy involved young people from different parts of the world, the unexpected loss has caused emotional pain to friends and families of the victims. Furthermore, victims who survived while others did not, may potentially face survivors' guilt on top of grieving for their losses. Additionally, witnessing the deaths of the victims can also add post-traumatic stresses to the mix. The extent of emotional turmoil is different for everyone. However, it is crucial for one to have the support that they need.
Following the incident, many videos showing body bags on the streets, emergency workers performing CPR, and rescuers trying to pull people trapped beneath others were circulated on social media. As a result, the horrifying stories and accounts were heard all over the world. The exposure to distressing content could cause vicarious trauma and bereavement.
Myths about grief and grieving
Myth: You should only grieve for a certain amount of time
Fact: The grieving process is highly subjective to an individual. Your grieving process can be influenced by many factors, such as your personality and coping mechanisms, your life experience, as well as how significant the loss was to you. As of now, there is no specific time frame for grieving. However, it is recommended for one to seek help if they experience six months of unrelenting grief as it may prevent one from healing.
Myth: The grieving process happens in a linear way
Fact: There are five stages of grief (i.e., Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, & Acceptance). However, the grieving process does not have to be linear. The grieving stages do not happen in a particular order, and an individual might not necessarily experience all of the stages. At times, individuals may go back to the earlier stages. As such, making grief processes different and unique to everyone.
Myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the process
Fact: Negative emotions such as sadness and loneliness are natural responses to loss. Reacting to the loss (e.g.crying) does not mean you are weak. Showing your feelings and communicating them can be helpful for coping.
Symptoms of grief
Many people experience similar symptoms when grieving even if it affects them in a different way. Bear in mind that emotional responses after facing the loss is normal. This includes emotional instability, getting frustrated easily, experiencing low mood, having nightmares, and an increase or decrease in appetite. However, in some cases individuals might turn to maladaptive and destructive coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking, drug intake, promiscuity, high risk behaviours (e.g., driving recklessly or unprotected sex), self harm, and suicidal behaviours. In these instances where personal safety is compromised, it would be crucial for one to rely on their social support network and potentially seek professional help to engage in less dangerous and healthier coping mechanisms.
Emotional symptoms. Feelings of shock, sadness, fear, anger, numbness, and guilt are normal responses to grief. Right after a loss, it might be difficult to accept and process what happened. You may be overwhelmed by feelings of sadness or experience emotional instability. Feelings of guilt may arise because of things you wish you did or did not do, such as doing something more to prevent that loss. Certain types of loss such as your partner or family can also cause fear due to helplessness or insecurities about the future.
Physical symptoms. Due to the emotional turmoil that you will go through when grieving, there are some physical problems which might arise. This includes exhaustion, nausea, weight loss or gain, as well as sleep disturbances.
Dealing with the grieving process
Experiencing very overwhelming emotions from a loss can often cause an individual to want to isolate themselves. However, having in-person support and communicating your feelings about the loss is important in the healing process. If you find yourself struggling to manage grief, reach out today.
You can read more about dealing with grief and loss here: https://thepsychpractice.com/plog/understandmanagegrief