Political changes and instability have always been a constant throughout history. The road to progress is treacherous and resistance is expected. In a globalised world where societies are interconnected, choices made by a government body can easily be felt even if one is physically far away. In 2022 alone, there have been many shocking events that have led to political instability and unrest. One of the most recent being the assassination of Japan’s ex-prime minister. The sudden loss of a long standing government official has caught many by surprise. On top of the shock, losses are accompanied by grief. Like how everything has a flipside, the intensity of our attachment would influence our experience of grief. Through various neurological studies, attachment activates our reward pathways and makes us happy while losses would activate pain networks that were previously implicated in both physical and social pain. In some instances, losses could still activate reward pathways which prevents one from detaching from the loss.

The loss of a significant person, a job, or the death of a dream are simply experiences that one is bound to experience. A part of life that we all will go through, there has been vast number of research on the types of grief, the different stages of grief, and some things we can do to cope with the loss. As such, in this article, we hope to help you understand your reaction a bit better and to give you some ways to manage grief.

Types of grief

Grief can come in many forms and the number of losses one experiences in a specific period of time can also affect their management of these losses. As such, the following are some possible types of grief that you may or may not have heard of.

Normal/uncomplicated grief. Behavioural, emotional, social, or physical reactions to loss such as absent-mindedness, denial, withdrawing from social networks, and bodily distress. Although grief has no timeline, it is recommended for one to seek help if one experiences six months of unrelenting grief as it may be preventing one from healing.
Complicated grief. Prolonged and heightened state of mourning that prevents one from healing. One can feel intense sorrow, pain, and rumination over the loss and it may significantly affect one’s ability to function. As such, complicated grief typically requires help from professionals as it does not resolve on its own.
Anticipatory grief. This kind of grief is common when one is expecting the loss in the near future. The period of anticipation allows time for one to prepare for it. Generally, one can imagine what life would be like after the loss and to anticipate their reaction to the loss. Moreover, one can also prepare for it by doing what they want to before the loss.
Delayed grief. When the loss is too painful for one to deal with at that moment, there is a possibility that the mind would block many of the thoughts, emotions, and feelings till the individual is ready to process them. As such, these thoughts and feelings may only be felt after a period of time.
Disenfranchised grief. This occurs when one’s loss is not validated by others. Commonly, these losses involve former significant persons in one’s life that others feel like they should not be grieving over. In cultures and societies that is disapproving of same-sex partners, one’s loss may also be invalidated. They may find it hard to share their pain with people around them.
Ambiguous loss. Unresolved grief where circumstances lack a clear conclusion or closure. There are two types of ambiguous losses. Type one - when someone is physically gone but psychologically there. It may refer to people who are missing or situations where the body is not recovered. Type two - lack of psychological presence while someone is physically there. This may refer to people who are emotionally unavailable or cognitively absent.

Although not an exhaustive list, these are some types of grief that one may experience in their lifetime. Everyone grieves differently and their experience of grief is very subjective. However, as one processes their loss, there are some commonalities in the stages and feelings involved in each stage.

5 stages of grief

Denial. In the beginning, it is common for one to refuse the loss and the changes that follow. The pretence would give one more time to come to terms with the news before processing them. In this stage, it is possible for one to feel numb to deal with the overwhelming feelings involved.
Anger. Anger is typically used as a facade to cover up the pain that one is dealing with. As a result, anger may be directed at people or things around the individual as they are unable to deal with the intensity of their emotions. In some instances, this anger can also look like bitterness or resentment.
Bargaining. In this stage, one has begun to realise that the loss will happen or has happened. They may try to regain some control or attempt to change the outcome. As such, one may create ‘what if’ or ‘if only’ statements or seek to make a deal with the higher power. During this time, one can feel very vulnerable and helpless. Yet, bargaining is a defence against grief as one is still trying to change the inevitable.
Depression. Rather than defending against feelings associated to grief, one starts to accept the inevitable truth and process the feelings involved. This stage can feel overwhelming and too much for one too handle due to the intensity of the emotions and all the changes that one has to adapt to.
Acceptance. In the final stage of grief, one has accepted the loss and adjusted to their new normal. Generally, acceptance does not necessarily translate to happiness and that one has moved on from the loss. There can still be good and bad days, but there are more good than bad days.

Ways to deal with loss

Remembrance. Take time to honour significant others by creating a memory book filled with pictures and stories. These materials can come from people around the individual (i.e., friends and family).
Connecting with others. Losses can make one feel alone. As such, rather than withdrawing and isolating, one can connect with others via texts, phone calls, or social media.
Seek help. Losses are painful and sometimes overwhelming. One can reach out to mental health professionals, trusted community leaders or spiritual leaders, or friends to help process and manage their grief.

Progress is not linear. One can go back and forth the different stages before they can gradually accept the loss. There is no need to fret, it takes time and a lot of compassion towards oneself while working through grief. If it is too much, do not hesitate to reach out.

Interesting reads

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2553561/

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/types-of-grief/

https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/stress-coping/grief-loss/index.html