Co-author: Ricole Tay
There has been a significant increase in sexual assault cases in Singapore in recent years. A few sensational cases have caused a stir among the public. The perpetrator of sexual assault cases included family members, friends and strangers. In these cases, the victims range from 3 to 61 years old. Furthermore, victims of sexual assaults are also not limited to gender. Across sexual assaults of varying severity, many common reactions were observed in survivors - such as avoidant behaviours, withdrawal and experiencing flashbacks. However, not all survivors of sexual assaults will react the same way. Like how each individual is different, there is no fixed way to feel or react. In fact, it is normal for survivors to feel and experience different emotions, behaviours, and physical responses while the mind and body process and recover from the traumatic experience. In this article, we hope to share more about what one may experience after having survived sexual assault and shed light on what family and friends of the victim can do to assist them.
What is sexual assault?
Sexual assault refers to behaviours involving unwanted and forceful sexual touch or/and conduct. Sexual assault can include rape, attempted rape and all forms of unwanted sexual contact.
Sexual assault can include:
Any penetration using any part of the body or object without consent
Any unwelcomed sexual touching, groping, stroking, kissing, etc
Any unwanted sexual messages, gestures, or requests (can include electronically or physically - in the workplace, in one place or another)
Forced to watch pornography under coercion
Pictures or/and video voyeurism
Psychological impact
Regardless of age or gender, the impact of sexual assault goes far beyond physical injuries. The traumatic experience can leave one feeling scared, guilty, ashamed and shattered.
Post-Traumatic Stress (PTS) Responses. Common responses include upsetting thoughts and dreams about the event, emotional responses to reminders of the event, difficulty with sleep, emotion regulation or concentration, and hypervigilant towards surroundings. It typically subsides after 30 days of the incident. Additionally, with early intervention, one can recover from PTS responses and prevent the development of PTS disorder (PTSD).
PTSD. PTSD can potentially develop among survivors of sexual assault. Seeking help for PTSD is essential as it is closely associated with anxiety disorder, eating disorder and depression. The symptoms are more severe and persistent and can affect daily functioning. It includes symptoms like flashbacks, displaying avoidant behaviours, being easily frightened/alarmed and intense feelings of negative emotions.
Flashbacks. Survivors may re-experience the assault countless times through various means, such as dreams and thoughts. When these flashbacks happen, the individual will feel as though the assault is actually happening again.
Avoidance behaviours. These behaviours can include withdrawal from social settings, staying away from people, places or objects and avoiding conversations in relation to the trauma. Most survivors experience an overwhelming, intense fear at the time of being assaulted.
Negative perception of self. Most survivors of sexual assault experience persistent negative emotions that lowers their self-worth and self-esteem, increases trust issues and feeling of a loss of control.
Heightened fear. The survivors can be extremely wary of the people around them and hypervigilant about their surroundings. The individual may feel terrified of being in public spaces or walking alone, fearing that anyone can be of sexual harm. Likewise, they may fear someone else or the assailant is lurking in the shadows waiting to prey again. In addition, the individual may also be more self-conscious. For example, one may avoid wearing revealing clothes to prevent giving off the wrong idea or inviting unwanted stares and attention. Furthermore, survivors may associate situational cues that were present during the assault with their fight or flight responses. Cues such as smells, sounds, sights, features of the assaulter or situations or settings where the assault took place, such as vehicles, dark roads or bars, can remind them of the assault, triggering their fight or flight responses. These reactions can persist for months and even years.
Feeling shame and guilt. Survivors of sexual assault are prone to feel shame and guilt. Shame is from the individual’s judgement of themselves. Survivors of sexual assault may feel they are a ‘bad person’ or that they are a disgrace to the family because they were assaulted. Survivors may internalise the blame from the sexual assault, leading to feelings of disempowerment and reducing their self-worth. In some instances, survivors have reported mental contamination where one feels ‘dirty’ without the presence of physical contaminants after experiencing an assault. This led the individual to engage in actions to make them feel ‘cleaner’, such as frequent showers. This allows temporary relief of feeling psychologically filthy. On the other hand, guilt is a negative response when one evaluates their behaviour and deems their actions to be a failure. One possible response to guilt is engaging in self-blame. With the idea of ‘I should not have …’, individuals may tell themselves things like: “I should not have drank that much”, “I should not have stayed out late”, or “I should not have worn that outfit”.
Sexuality. Loss of interest vs hypersexuality - it is possible and understandable that sexual assault trauma would lead to avoiding sexual activity and decreasing sexual drive. People in their lives, especially partners, should understand and not coerce or guilt-trip them into sex. This can be challenging for the partner, but it is crucial to remember that sexual intimacy is potentially the closest reminder of the traumatic assault. Being intimate with one also means revealing parts of themselves, being transparent and vulnerable. Thus, participating in any sexual intimacy can be a stretch for the victim for many reasons, such as low self-esteem, doubting self-worth, shame, and generally feeling uncomfortable and traumatised from the assault. Doing so before they are ready can hinder their recovery journey. On the contrary, some survivors can experience hypersexuality. Hypersexuality is a coping mechanism that can manifest through seeking many sexual partners, overweighing sex over most things in a relationship, and being preoccupied with talking about sex and other forms of sexual expression. There are multiple potential reasons as to why survivors of sexual assault become hypersexual:
Sexual assault can make survivors feel they have lost control over their lives and sexuality. Therefore, they may engage in risk-taking behaviours to temporarily feel a sense of control. For example, they may reenact the trauma in hopes of a better and different outcome that can potentially replace the assault.
‘Sex has lost all meaning to me’ - individuals who once highly valued sexual intimacy could potentially feel that the latter is now meaningless. Thus, this can lead to greater sexual promiscuity, and they engage in multiple sexual activities to either mask the value of sex to them or avoid dealing with the trauma.
Feelings of unworthiness - survivors can experience a downward spiral of negative self-worth that results in pent-up anger. As they may feel degraded after the trauma, they may decide to punish themselves by releasing this pent-up anger through sex.
Why do sexual assaults go unreported?
Fear. Survivors may fear that the assailant will seek vengeance. Survivors are also terrified that they may face discrimination in society and deprivation of equal treatment or opportunities in the workplace, such as fear of being demoted, denied a promotion or fired. For men, some may fear how they are looked at in society - given that men are often tied with characteristics like masculine and strong. Therefore, individuals are faced with personal and subject barriers to reporting.
Rationalising. Individuals may downplay the seriousness of the assault and convince themselves that nothing serious had happened or they will get over it in time to come. Likewise, they may also give the offender the benefit of the doubt by trying to rationalise and empathise with the offender’s wrongdoing - such as ‘the assaulter was not sober too’ or ‘he was nice to me.’ The latter is another example of an avoidant behaviour.
What can survivors do to help themselves?
Process the experience. Being emotionally attuned to oneself is important. Even though it is common for survivors to avoid thinking about the event, remember that healing does not happen through avoidance. Survivors have different ways of processing their trauma effectively. Some may include journaling, taking a break or reaching out for support, while others may seek therapy.
Reach out to friends and families. It is no easy feat overcoming such trauma oneself. Tap on people one can trust and confide in them. It is crucial that survivors have someone who can check up on them regularly, as sexual assault survivors can be vulnerable to depression and PTSD while in isolation. Remember that the survivor should set the pace when confiding and that he/she should never feel pressured to open up about details they are not comfortable with yet. However, one can consider calling a crisis hotline if one prefers to remain anonymous. Hotline authorities are trained to offer support and connect individuals with resources for treatment. Additionally, they can advise on how to report the assault.
Psychotherapy. Though not all survivors require therapy, should it feel too overwhelming or moving one is too difficult, seeking help from a trained psychologist may be the best option. A clinician's expertise and knowledge can help one address and slowly work towards recovery.
Consider your legal options. No assaulters should ever get away scot-free. Legal authorities can connect the survivor with a network of trained professionals who can take care of the individual’s physiological and psychological needs. In addition, in Singapore, survivors can freeze the collected evidence, such as DNA, blood samples and semen, and store it until they are ready to make a case. The evidence collection process can be traumatising and uncomfortable as it has to be done after the assault, but it allows one to have the option to pursue action when they want to.
What people around them can help
Providing support is the best family and friends of a victim of sexual assault can do to help. It is crucial not to blame or scold them, even though that may be one’s way of expressing care and concern. Accompanying them to hospital visits, police stations, or therapy sessions can help them feel less alone. Furthermore, being there, listening, and supporting the individual can prevent the survivors from a downward spiral of self-blame and self-loathing. It is important for supporters to give survivors space to make their own decisions as regaining control of one’s life is a part of recovery.
Conclusion
Sexual assault is a painful, traumatic event that no one should ever experience. It is important not to dismiss your feelings or downplay the seriousness of the event. Remember that it is never the victim’s fault. It is not about one’s clothing, how much one had to drink or if one had any conversations with the perpetrator before the assault. Consent has to be given freely, voluntarily, and actively. One can retract consent at any time. Thus, one should never perform any form of sexual act on another if no consent is given. We understand that it may be challenging to come forward to seek help, but it can be the most helpful. Recovery is a painful journey, but we are here whenever you are ready.
Interesting read
https://www.verywellmind.com/symptoms-of-ptsd-after-a-rape-2797203
https://kontinentalist.com/stories/sexual-assault-and-abuse-in-singapore-need-more-than-the-law
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3577979/