Have you ever felt like the empathy that you once gave freely to people who come to you with problems or for support just...ran out? Yes, yes you can, and this phenomenon is called compassion fatigue.
Compassion fatigue is the experience of stress and/or exhaustion resulting from the strain of listening to and/or working with people in distress over prolonged periods of time. It encompasses secondary traumatic stress that comes from empathising to the extent of taking on the suffering or distress belonging to others. Overwhelming emotional demands accompanied by lack of helpful coping mechanisms for managing these demands could lead to compassion fatigue and apathy.
Although most common amongst those in the helping professions (e.g., healthcare providers and social workers), anyone in a helping role that involved providing emotional support or empathy to another regularly or over prolonged periods of time might be vulnerable to compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue could occur in specific settings (e.g., work) or towards specific people but its impact could overflow to impair other domains of life.
If you are someone who performed helping role regularly, here are some warning signs that might indicate compassion fatigue:
Unable to empathise with people you care deeply about.
Difficulties providing emotional support outside of helping role
Found yourself repetitively thinking about others' troubles
Feelings of guilt for enjoying yourself or for not being able to do more
Feelings of feelings of being overwhelmed or helpless.
Emotional numbness
Feelings of sadness, grief, dread and/or anxiety
Feelings of apathy
Though originating from well-meaning intentions to care, compassion fatigue could result in decreased positive emotions from helping others – which is what motivated us to care in the first place. Here are some tips to help you check your beliefs about helping and safeguard your personal wellbeing to keep from developing compassion fatigue or mitigate it when it does.
Checking unhelpful beliefs about helping
‘I must help everyone’
Instead, whenever possible, prioritise your emotional load. At work, this could mean setting work boundaries or reducing caseloads by outsourcing help from other mental health professionals to safeguard the vitality of your care. In your personal life, this could include reevaluating the people and/or situations that you dedicate your valuable emotional resources to.
‘Caring or helping others means I must be present for them whenever needed’
Discuss your helping role and your limits allows for clear boundaries of what may be requested and expected of you. Collaboratively plan for support with the person you are helping as it allows them to know where to turn when you are unable or no longer able to help. This also ensures that the person you are caring for has sustainable support. In personal relationships, open communication about challenges and respective boundaries could help ensure both parties have their needs met.
‘I am responsible for giving advice or solutions’
Often our instinctive response to help is to provide solutions or advice to resolve distress for the person we are supporting. This urge to be the solution or provide a solution exceeds the limits of compassion and could result in helplessness, making empathy more difficult. Instead, most people value an active non-judgemental listener whom they could feel safe confiding in without the need for advice or solutions in the process. If this is your belief, try to reframe your perspective by seeing ‘help’ as your empathy and compassion from active listening instead of problem solving.
Safeguard your wellbeing
Care for Yourself First Before Others. Establish self-care routines to monitor your own wellbeing and plan for when stress compounds. Self-care activities can be anything that brings you pleasure, rest and/or sense of achievement. Establish your own support networks and coping strategies, and take breaks without feeling guilty for having fun.
Practice Self-Compassion. Having empathy for yourself fills your empathy tank and aids in regaining empathy for others. Helping others is sometimes demanding and can bring up your own feelings of distress. Pay attention to the signs of compassion fatigue without judgement, and respond to yourself with the same kindness, and concern you would extend to others.
Find your own community and sources of empathy. Reach out to others who are also in a similar helping role to normalise compassion fatigue. Check in on one another and reach out routinely to people who can empathise with you or provide care and understanding for you in a way that meets your needs.
Helping others could be a long-term commitment so replenish your emotional resources and identify your who and what your reinforcements are. We can only be good helpers to others when we can help ourselves.
Useful reads:
The Cost of Caring | Psychology Today Singapore
Are you experiencing compassion fatigue? (apa.org)
Compassion Fatigue Is Real and It May Be Weighing You Down (hbr.org)
Branson, D. C. (2019). Vicarious trauma, themes in research, and terminology: A review of literature. Traumatology, 25(1), 2-10. https://doi.org/10.1037/trm0000161