Co-author: Zanise Lim
Grief is a universal human experience, and children, despite their resilience, are not exempt from its impact. The experience of grief can happen at any time in an individual’s life. Although the process of grieving may look different between individuals and age groups, it is important for one to be supported during these difficult times. In this article, we will explore how children experience grief, how it may manifest to an observer, and offer guidance on supporting children through the grieving process.
Some common situations that can cause a child to experience grief include the death of a beloved person or pet, parental divorce, or the loss of relationships. These experiences can bring anguish to the child and cause changes in their behaviour and mood. As the adult supporting them, one may be concerned and worried about these changes but has limited insights on the signs to look out for or how to support the child. Below are some considerations when trying to understand childhood grief.
Developmental stage. Depending on the child’s age and mental capacity, their ability to comprehend and express grief can vary greatly. Typically, younger children may struggle to understand the concept of death and the permanence of loss. Older children may struggle to find words to express their feelings or may make skewed associations as they try to understand the loss (i.e., believing that they are the reason for the loss).
Expression of grief. Expression can vary greatly between individuals. Some children may be more open to sharing their feelings while others may internalise their emotions. For some children, grief may cause regression in their behaviour. For example, a child who has been potty trained may start betwetting again.
Identify triggers. To effectively support the child, caregivers need to know the situation that is causing the grief. Being attuned to the child’s reactions during different transition periods can aid in identifying feelings of grief.
Signs of grief in children
Changes in appetite. The child may experience a reduction in appetite.
Changes in sleep patterns. The child may want companionship and request caregivers to sleep with them more frequently. For some, they may have a harder time falling asleep.
Social withdrawal. The child may withdraw from social activities or display reluctance to engage with friends and family.
Increased irritability. The child may appear more sensitive and may react disproportionately to the events that are occurring around them.
Increased clinginess. The child could be extra clingy after a loss, in fear of being abandoned. The child may seek attention frequently such as by asking for help to complete a task when they do not need it.
Supporting children through grief
Keep it simple. Use clear and straightforward words so that it is easy for the child to understand. For example, “I have sad news for you. (Name of a person or pet) died today.” Pause and allow the child to digest your words before continuing.
Lead by example. Show the child that they can talk about their feelings regardless of what they might be. Caregivers can do so by showing some vulnerability and sharing some of their feelings when speaking to the child. For example, saying things like ‘I feel sad that your grandmother is gone and I miss her.’ Furthermore, one can normalise common grief reactions like crying to help the child understand why they may behave in a certain manner. For example, saying things like ‘thinking of your grandmother makes me want to cry. I still feel sad and miss her a lot after I cry, but crying allows me to release my emotions which makes me feel better for a while.’
Comfort and reassurance. Validate your child’s feelings and assure them that it is okay to feel sad and cry. Listen to the child without judgement. Be patient and gentle and answer all their questions.
Maintain routines. Stability is essential in helping the child feels secure in times of grief. Providing a sense of predictability can help the child to feel less uncertain and anxious.
Professional help. If the grieving process seems overwhelming or prolonged, consider seeking the assistance of a mental health professional specializing in children's grief. Professional support can help the child navigate through these tumultuous times.
Navigating childhood grief requires empathy, patience, and a keen understanding of the unique ways children process loss. It is important to recognise that grief affects every individual differently. By recognizing signs of grief, fostering open communication, and providing consistent support, caregivers can play a pivotal role in helping children cope and heal. Remember that grief is a natural part of the human experience, and with the right support, children can emerge from the process with resilience, strength, and a sense of understanding about life's inevitable challenges.
Interesting reads
https://www.verywellfamily.com/grief-counseling-for-children-4173493