Having an affair can alter the relationship altogether. However, witnessing, hearing, or even being part of an affair is not uncommon. The allure of an affair is pervasive across people of diverse backgrounds. The temptation can occur regardless of who you are. However, the reason for these affairs can vary greatly. In our previous post, we briefly explored the reasons as to why people cheat. In this article, we will explore briefly the functions of the affair classified by Israel Charny (1992) and the common individual factors associated to infidelity through various research.
According to Charny (1992), although the act of infidelity is similar across relationships, these affairs have different functions to across individuals. Till date, he has one of the most extensive clinical classifications for extradyadic affairs. The following are the 18 classifications with brief descriptions:
Corruption, sadism/machoism. The affair is used with a hostile intent. Often, the partner with narcissistic needs is fulfilled through the affair.
Superficiality and apathy. These affairs does not have emotional connection. It is typically sexual and repetitive.
Escapism. The affair is used as a means to escape from the tensions of the relationship.
‘A matter of no importance’. The affair is used solely for sexual release, usually partner would claim that there is no emotional significance.
‘Search committee’. Affair is used as a way to replace current partner.
Falling in love to threaten spouse. Affair is intended to force change in the partner.
Falling in love to complete missing qualities in oneself. Affair is used to fill missing parts in the perceived self.
Enable continuation of the marriage. Affair is used to compensate for things that are devoided in the relationship. Thus, stablising the relationship.
Challenge to improvement and recreation of the marriage. Affair is designed to create crisis for the relationship in hopes of saving it.
Renewal of excitement and adventure. Partner hopes to bring home some of the excitement of the affair.
Desire-daring-survival. Affair is used as a way to test one’s courage and power.
Sexual excitement with ‘safe’ opportunity. The affair occurs in places that are deemed to be ‘safe’ due to the minimal possibility of getting caught.
Fun and variety, anti-boredom, social contagion. Affair is used to introduce variety in one’s life.
Release of nonmarital tensions. Affair is used for one to escape problems in daily life.
Hope at difficult moments. Affair is used to escape from intolerable life situations like death and illnesses.
Freedom and independence. The affair is used for one to assert their sense of freedom. They may have felt a lack of freedom and independence prior to the affair.
Open marriages. One may have a consensual agreement with their partner to have affairs under specified conditions.
Hedonism. The belief that pleasure is the highest good and proper aim in life can lead one to engage in an affair.
Individual factors
At the individual level, there are many factors that can increase their chances of infidelity. According to a systemic review of the literature revolving infidelity and its associated factors, it was found that infidelity is most likely to occur when there are incompatibility in interpersonal characteristics. Furthermore, other studies identified factors like neuroticism, history of infidelity, exposure to infidelity in one’s family, number of sexual partners, psychological disress, insecure attachment styles, or permissive attitudes towards sex are positively associated with infidelity. Additionally, compatibility in level of sexual interest has been commonly discussed and found to be a predictor of infidelity. These individual factors can influence one’s satisfaction in the relationship and their openness to having an affair.
An affair is destructive and can transform the relationship in ways that one may not be prepared for. As such, it is important to understand the intention behind the decision to be involved in an affair. Often, the affair is a symptom of something bigger within the individual and the relationship they have. Being in a relationship is a conscious choice. If you find yourself wanting to look outwards to fulfill a void or to make a point, take a moment and reach out. Perhaps, there is something beyond that you need.