Self-harm is defined as an intentional act to cause physical injury to oneself without wanting to die. Oftentimes, we associate self-harm with cutting, scratching, or hitting ourselves. However, it can also include limiting food intake, driving at high speeds, and having unsafe sex. While engaging in these risk-taking behaviours, individuals often get a sense of gratification which helps reduce overwhelming and unavoidable feelings or thoughts. At times, self-harm can be a form of self-punishment from guilt and shame, to help one regain a sense of control, recover from emotional numbness, or a desperate cry for help. While self-harm behaviours can be fatal, it is ironically, used to regulate oneself so that one can continue living.
With the ever-changing global climate, daily stressors have become overwhelming for some. In Singapore, it was found that self-harm cases have risen over the years. According to YouGov (2019), approximately 23% of Singaporeans have engaged in some forms of self-harm. Of which, 36% of these individuals fall between 18-24 years old. The report suggested that self-harm behaviours are becoming more prevalent in younger Singaporeans. As such, it is crucial to be aware of how we can manage our emotional stresses and learn ways to replace self-harm behaviours.
Managing emotional distress
There are many ways that we can process and manage our emotions and thoughts instead of trying to suppress them. Avoiding or suppressing our emotions or thoughts may lead to mood swings and overwhelming feelings. As such, here are some steps to help you manage these feelings.
Check-in. Identify your feelings – anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame etc.
Understand the source of these emotions. Where are these emotions coming from? What was the trigger?
Keep a mood journal. By recording down the events that made you feel a certain way, it will allow you to eventually identify a pattern and understand the source of your emotions.
Acceptance. Instead of suppressing and avoiding, accept that we are all hard-wired to feel emotions and these emotions are normal and natural responses to a stressful event. Accepting your feelings and emotions would allow you to work on them.
Give yourself space. Set aside time to participate in pleasurable activities. This may include taking a walk, reading a book, exercise, and meeting your friends.
Find a healthy outlet. Keep yourself in check by creating a routine that would allow you to be aware of your emotions. Exercise, meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises are ways that you can be in touch with yourself.
Remove triggers. After identifying your triggers, you can try to manage it by either removing yourself from the trigger or changing the situation in order to prevent triggering negative emotions.
Communicate effectively. When we feel upset or frustrated, it is perfectly okay for us to reach out to our loved ones for help. They can provide a listening ear and perhaps give us the advice that we need. Regardless, their presence can help us feel validated and supported.
Supporting individuals who are engaging in self-harm behaviours
Self-harm behaviours are used to relieve emotional distress. Oftentimes, the individual may have tried different ways to deal with the emotions. To help someone who is engaging in self-harm, it is important for us to be able to identify them first. Some signs to look out for include unexplained scars and wounds around the wrist or thigh areas, wearing long sleeves even during warm weather, isolating from others, and being highly irritable or impulsive. At times, someone who is engaging in self-harm behaviours may reach out to you as they trust you. Hence, it begs the question of what can we do to help?
The most important thing to do is to listen empathetically. When they feel heard, there is a higher chance that they will divulge more to you. They may find sharing with you emotionally relieving for them, thereby prompting them to turn to you to talk about their problems instead of engaging in self-harm.
Being a supporter can be an emotionally draining journey. Hence, when possible, encourage them to seek professional help. Professional help can assist them to navigate their difficulties and develop healthier ways to manage their emotions.
What can you do if you have the urge to self-harm?
Below are some distress tolerance activities that one could try when they have the urge to self-harm. The purpose of these activities is not to remove distress, but to make the distress more tolerable.
Journaling. Write down the thoughts and feelings that are causing you distress.
Grounding Exercises. Using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, use your five senses to list down things that you notice around you.
Talking to your support network. Reach out to someone to help you process your emotions.
Regulate your breathing. Use meditation or breathing exercises to calm your thoughts and refocus your attention on something else rather than the trigger.
As we try to move away from self-harm behaviours, there may be times where we find it hard to control ourselves. If you find feel too overwhelmed and require immediate help, below there are a list of resources available in Singapore that you can reach out to:
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)
1800 221 4444
24 hours
Institute of Mental Health
6389 2222
24hours
These hotlines can help when you require immediate assistance. However, if you are looking to resolve your issues in the long run, reach out to our team today! Our psychologists will be here to guide you through your journey of growth and development.
Co-author: Belinda Sng Qi Rong