Tiger parenting, helicopter parenting, and now lawnmower parenting - the desire to be the best parents is universal. Yet, the best intentions seem to fall short when parents become overinvolved. Research suggests that these three parenting styles were indicative of ‘overparenting’ which impedes a child’s socioemotional development. This article introduces and discusses the impact of three different parenting styles - lawnmower parenting, helicopter parenting, and tiger parenting- and the pitfalls parents might consider to avoid.
THREE TYPES OF OVERPARENTING
Tiger parenting is characterized by overly strict, micro-managing parenting strategies meant to push children to excel, both academically and in extracurricular activities, often using high expectations or criticism as motivation. While children raised in this style of parenting may achieve academic success, they may also experience significant stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
Helicopter parenting describes parents who are overly involved in their child's life, hovering over them and controlling their every move in an effort to protect them. Despite their good intentions, they can inevitably stifle their child's independence and ability to make decisions on their own.
The Lawnmower parenting is also known as "snowplow or bulldozer parenting". It refers to parents who attempts to erraticate all obstacles in their child's path, so the child never have to experience any kind of discomfort or failure. As a result, they may intervene in their child's life to the point where they remove all obstacles and solve all problems for their child before they even experience them.
POTENTIAL DETRIMENTS OF OVERPARENTING
The potential detriment of these parenting styles is that children who were ‘overparented’ may be denied of opportunities to learn from identity defining experiences of failing before succeeding, of falling out of and repairing relationships, of the freedom and frustration of expressing oneself and, of having limits and fun. As a result, they may struggle to develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and lack the ability to cope with adversity, leading to increased vulnerability to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem in the long run.
It is important for parents to be aware of the potential detriments associated with overparenting. Rather than trying to protect their child from all discomfort and challenges, or controlling every aspect of their lives, parents could strive to create an environment that fosters independence, resilience, and healthy decision-making skills. It is important for parents to strike a balance between being supportive and involved in their children's lives, while also allowing them the freedom to make their own mistakes, experience frustrations, and learn from them.
If a parent is concerned that they might be exhibiting one of these types of parenting, the following are some tips that they can consider integrating into their way of parenting.
Teach social skills. Listen to how your child feels during social conflicts and teach them the necessary skills to interact respectfully with their peers, and resolve conflicts. Reaffirm their presence and being in the family or in their friendships so that they know they are individuals who are appreciated and accepted for who they are.
Allow them to learn from appropriate limits, consequences and failures. Engage in collaborative discussions on rules and consequences. Guide your child to make their own decisions by reviewing possible implications and allow them to experience the natural consequences of their decisions. When mistakes are made, provide encouragement, praise and guidance. This allows them to learn that mistakes and failure are part of life’s learning experiences which paves the way for healthier development of perseverance, impulse control, sense of competence and esteem.
Encourage fun and autonomy. Allow your child opportunities to have spontaneous fun and creative play, independently or alone, without your involvement. Support them in pursuing their personal interests and goals (as long as they are realistic and achievable) as this communicates that their emotional needs, and personal sense of agency are important, encouraged and valued. Children need to learn from all of life’s experiences, both the good and the bad, to set and achieve realistic future goals in a balanced and resilient manner.
Offer practical and emotional support. When anxious or distressed, children need to know that their parents care about how they feel above what they can achieve. Be present, and offer them understanding and warmth. This allows them to experience genuine care and acceptance. Moderate the level of support and guidance provided to your child according to their stage of development as children require more autonomy as they age.
In conclusion, too much of a good thing is detrimental. While there is no "perfect" parenting style, parents should strive to create a balanced and supportive environment for their children by having open communication and modelling the right values and life skills you would like your children to have. This includes apologising when mistakes were made and taking the courage to initiate reconciliation. Parenting is one of the toughest lifetime commitment one may face. Consider seeking guidance from professionals like therapists who can be helpful in navigating and overcoming parenting challenges.
Interesting Articles:
The Trouble with Helicopter, Lawnmower, and Tiger Parents | Psychology Today
Cui, M., Darling, C. A., Coccia, C., Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2019). Indulgent parenting, helicopter parenting, and well-being of parents and emerging adults. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 28(3), 860–871. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-01314-3