Happy Lunar New Year everyone!
It is that time of the year for everyone to gather and meet our friends, family, and possibly new friends as well. We may be feeling more anxious if some of us are anticipating awkward conversations and possibly getting questions that you may not want to answer. Moreover, some of us may be the one asking these questions or making the conversation awkward. Therefore, here are three tips to have a more meaningful and respectful conversation!
Types of questions: open-ended and close ended
These terms may not be new to you but are you conscious of what kind of questions you are asking?
Open-ended questions are used to invite the other parties to elaborate on their feelings, thoughts and knowledge on the issue. Therefore, it requires a longer time for them to think before they answer. On the contrary, close ended questions limit the other person’s answer to simple or one-word answers. Due to the nature of the answers, it is usually factual and requires less time to answer. Therefore, depending on the context, different kinds of questions are used.
Some examples of close-ended questions:
Have you eaten?
Did you drive here?
Are you going home now?
All of these questions can be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Hence, when this question is answered, it effectively ends the conversation if no follow-up question was asked.
Some examples of open-ended questions that you might want to use during conversations:
How has school been?
How are you adjusting to the new job?
What have you been up to?
These questions invite the responder to answer without limitations and allows them to elaborate if they wanted to. There may be some who may answer with one-word answers because they are unsure of what to share. Thus, you can invite them to elaborate by using the following:
How so?
Tell me more.
However, this should be used thoughtfully as they may be giving a one-word answer as they do not want to engage in that topic. Their expressions and the tone of their voice would give you some idea of what they feel about it.
Topics to engage in
When deciding on what to ask, you will have to evaluate your relationship with the other party as this will guide you to ask appropriate and non-invasive questions. Some questions to consider:
How well do you know this person?
What do you know about this person?
Were you engaged in a conversation prior to this meeting?
It is likely that you will struggle to make conversation with someone that you are not as close to. Hence, it would be more appropriate to ask open-ended questions about themselves. Let them be the one to decide what they want to share instead of asking them what you are curious about.
Inappropriate questions tend to be directed at a personal aspect of the person’s life (i.e. partner, children, career) while appropriate questions are directed to the individual’s feelings with regards to these aspects. By asking appropriate questions, the other person would feel less targeted and will be more willing to engage with you.
It should be noted that statements are NOT questions. For instance, telling someone that they gain weight or have pimples on their face is not a question and it is definitely NOT appropriate. These statements may be well-intended – concern about the person’s weight or concern that they are not taking care of themselves, but it is hurtful and unnecessary. The other party is more likely to get hurt from these comments. An appropriate question to voice your concern would sound like ‘do you have time to take care of yourself?’
Tone of voice
The tone of voice conveys your perception and feelings towards the other person. It is only human to judge someone’s responses as it may not be aligned to what you think or believe in. However, that does not mean you need to invalidate them or overtly express your disagreement. In situations where you want to voice your opinions, do so respectfully and tactfully. Keep an open mind and maybe invite a discussion if you feel up for it. You may learn more about the topic and if not, you would learn more about the other person. Therefore, it is important for us to be mindful when we engage with others. Your tone would influence their feelings towards you and their willingness to continue with the conversation.
With that, we hope that you will be able to make many meaningful conversations during this festive season. May your year be filled with laughter, love, and peace.