Co-author: Ricole Tay
Different cultures can influence how one raises their children. It is no doubt that differences in parenting styles would influence a child. Moreover, influence from parents would shape crucial factors like the child’s self-esteem, confidence, and self-regulation. However, what exactly are parenting styles? Typically, parenting styles vary in terms of responsiveness and demandingness towards the child. Responsiveness refers to one’s ability to react appropriately to the child’s behaviour and needs. Generally, it is a three-step process that involves observing the child’s behavioural/emotional cues, understanding what they are trying to communicate, and taking action to respond to the child. On the other hand, demandingness refers to one’s control over their child in an attempt to get the child to behave according to what they want. Over the years, the four most common parenting styles have been established and studied. In this article, we hope to share more about authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and negligent parenting styles.
Authoritarian parenting style
“You better listen to me. I am the adult.”
The authoritarian parenting style is strict on the rules and punishments. Communications are usually one way as the authoritarian parent emphasizes on obedience and parental control. Generally, the authoritarian parent does not help the child understand right and wrong in the situation, nor do they consider the child’s social-emotional and behavioural needs. Through this parenting style, the child may not feel heard or seen as they are expected to just follow their parents entirely. Parents use tactics such as fear and shame to achieve results. Therefore, it results in a low emotional connection between both parties It is not uncommon for the child to gradually feel bitterness and resentment towards the parent as they grow older. Additionally, the child may be less inclined to follow parents’ rules in the long run.
Authoritative parenting style
“What do you think about this? We can discuss and come to a compromise.”
Likewise, for an authoritative parenting style, parents set clear rules and expectations for the child. However, an authoritative parent is more understanding and receptive to their child’s needs. In this parenting style, parents are open to considering and listening to their child’s perspective. Taking their children’s opinions into account and validating their feelings, they will explain their motive behind the rules, helping the child understand why they are getting reprimanded and subsequently discouraging bad behaviour. Additionally, parents use positive reinforcements such as rewards and praises to encourage and cultivate positive behaviour. Therefore, as authoritative parents are more nurturing, the emotional bond between the parents and child is significantly stronger than the authoritarian parenting style. Children are more likely to have better self-discipline and have their own mind.
Permissive parenting style
“It is okay. They are still kids.”
The permissive parenting style has a slightly different approach as parents tend to take on a friend role instead of a figure of authority. Due to their expectations that a child is not mature, permissive parents rarely have any rules, and they seldom enforce any forms of discipline. As such, there is a lack of consequences should the child not follow the rules. The permissive parenting style believes in giving the child a say. Thus, they tend to give in to their child’s requests and involve their opinions in major decisions. As much as the permissive parenting style may seem the most pleasant to the receiver, research has shown that the permissive parenting style has a detrimental effect on the receiver in the years to come. Some results closely associated with the permissive parenting style are exhibiting bad impulse control, behavioural problems, obesity, poor oral health, low self-esteem, poor academic performance and social competence.
Negligent parenting style
“...”
The negligent parent style is known as the uninvolved parent. The parent expects the kid to raise themselves and is mostly uninvolved in their lives. Little to no time and effort is committed to ensuring a healthy parental attachment and catering to their child’s necessities. Additionally, rules, punishments and rewards have little existence. The negligent parenting style often leads to behavioural issues, rebellion, poor academic results, poor social skills and low self-esteem as they receive the smallest amount of guidance. However, parents with this parenting style may not have chose to do so deliberately. For example, the parent may be struggling with their own lives, or they could suffer from mental disorders or drug dependence, making them unable to focus on their child.
Weighing the different styles
Past research has ascertained that authoritative parenting is the most effective of all four. Evidently, the authoritative parenting style ensures a healthy parental attachment between the parent and the child. The line is drawn whereby parents will still have the final say, but, at the same time, the child’s needs and opinions are noticed and validated. Communications often work both ways, and good morals are upheld in the household. Furthermore, although expectations are laid, encouragements are primary when the expectation falls through. It is expected that the child is likely not to be afraid to make mistakes because they have a strong bond with their parents, making their parents a safety net that they know they can go home to. In addition, as parents who adopt the authoritative parenting style are emotionally supportive of their children and would hear them out, it helps the child to develop good social skills and healthy self-esteem.
Conclusion
Finding and adopting the right parenting style is certainly stressful. Howbeit, positive results will be reflected in time to come if one consistently evaluates and reflect on their approaches and how their child is responding to them. It is vital to note that different punishments and rewards hold different weights in each child. Hence, responding appropriately to the child’s needs is more beneficial. Maintaining a good relationship with your child and asserting authority only when needed should be the priority, and the rest will follow along. Remember that it is okay to make mistakes when parenting because only then would one learn that the particular strategy would not be effective for the child. Do not give up; your child will reap the fruits of your labour.